


it feels like i've been here too many times before

by orphan_account



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anyways, Awtto, Does that make sense?, ITS GONNA BE GAY, M/M, just wait and see, kind of like mafia but make it a cult, one (or two) of them might die, possibly a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Otto can never stay in a relationship where the emotions are mutual. Awsten has his own world in his mind that he's wrapped up in. Theyre together again, for three weeks, to record their fourth studio album, but something... something's changed.
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Otto Wood
Comments: 20
Kudos: 32





	1. "romance"

**Author's Note:**

> here to contribute to the awtto kingdom, you're welcome. it's a series too, so look out for that.

“Aw, babe you don’t have to leave now.” A girl says trying to push Otto back onto his bed. The LED lights in her room turn from green to blue, matching his face.

“No, I do.” _Just say it, coward,_ he says to himself. _Just tell her already. You guys have been falling out of love for the past year and you can’t even be honest and tell her what’s obvious._ “I need to tell you something, actually.” He gets out. The lights turn back to green.

“Hm?” She says, taking her arms off Otto’s shoulders, and that allows Otto to finally relax. Her face is confused, but she doesn’t seem upset. They fade to a pink, softer than what he would expect.

“I don’t know if it’s obvious to you, but-”

“You’re breaking up with me.” She says, frustrated and exasperated. Heat swarms Otto’s face. “I fucking knew it.” she says quieter. They turn from pink to hot pink to a bright red.

“I’m sorry-” He says, trying to find a way to sugar coat what she knows.

“No you’re not. You’re not sorry. And you shouldn’t apologize, I know I’m not good enough for anyone. Just leave. Leave.” She says. The lights know her, and they match her; Purple

“Babe-”

“Leave!” She says, throwing a shaking arm towards the door. Blue again.

\---

Otto falls into his car, and sinks into the leather seat cushions. He’s relieved, but he didn’t want to hurt her, he just wanted to… What did he want? He wanted to be in love, he wanted to feel something for someone, with someone, he didn’t want it one sided, like how everythings was. He wanted to have someone to text good morning and good night, someone who would actually want to spend their life with him, someone who he could love. He just wanted to feel something, anything, which hasn’t happened in a while.

He’s caught up in himself, until his phone vibrates in his pants, and he realizes he’s been shaking this whole time. He opens his phone and notices his tear stained face in the reflection of the screen. It’s Awsten.

_**Aws:** Hey, where are you?? _

Right. He was going over to Awsten’s new apartment to see it and spend some time with him. They were about to record their new album, and Otto decided to go down to LA, so he decided to hit up Awsten. Perfect timing, really.

Everything about him was perfect, not just his timing. Wait-

He didn’t want to leave himself to his thoughts, so he grabbed the nearest CD, shoved it into his car, and drove away. Everything fit too well, it all made sense. The fights were short, the romance just a slight bit longer. He was broken again, but it was selfish to say that because he always broke them more. Too many things stood out. Colors. Everything made too much sense, and he was too stupid to pay attention to it before. The music matched, he heard “Romance” playing too quietly through his car speakers. He wanted everything to be loud, so loud, to drown everything out.

 _It’s stupid to be hurt this much over something I’ve caused myself,_ he thought. _I feel like I’ve been here too many times before._

But he can’t think in his own voice. It’s different, it’s soothing, it’s a voice that’s not too deep, and feels like what a hug would. It’s...

Awsten’s name flashes across his phone, he’s calling him.

“Otto, where are you?” Awsten asks, trying to hide the obvious worry in his voice.

“I’m on my way, I just had some-” Otto says, _some what?_ “I had some trouble, I’ll be there soon.”

“How long is soon?” Awsten asks, this time not trying to hide the worry in his voice.

“Five minutes.” Otto says, making a wild guess. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Just worried about you.”

Otto feels something stir inside of him. It’s not excitement, but it runs through his veins from his chest to his legs, and he has to move and get it out somehow, but he can’t. It just stirs around inside of him. But it’s not.. uncomfortable.

“Oh.” That’s all he can get out. That’s all he thinks he can say in this limited form of conversation. But that’s all he needs to say.

\---

As soon as he closes his car door, both of the boys bolt toward each other. They’re not just hugging, but that’s a word for the embrace they share. They’re clinging onto each other as if their lives depend on it. They both have their reasons, maybe they’ll never tell each other what they are, but in this moment, all that matters is that they are together, and that they are okay. It’s okay.

Neither of them says a word, but they link hands and walk up the stairs of Awsten’s apartment complex until they get to his floor, then his apartment, then his room. Otto looks around, and puts his phone and keys onto a table near the door. He looks at Awsten and they both melt into each other again. Awsten grabs the back of Otto's shirt, and Otto pulls him closer, tightening his grip around Awsten. If this were a movie, the swelling violins would start now, and the camera would circle around them, and everything would have a softer edge to it. They would pull away from each other, but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, before pulling into a kiss that says more than words ever could.

But this is not a movie, and they’re not in love.

\----


	2. so quiet, so still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dumb idiots in love, movie night!

It feels like days after the boys pull off of each other. They don’t want to leave each other's side, they don’t want to feel alone again. Awsten grabs Otto’s hand, and Otto holds it back, but the electric feeling comes back to him. He pushes it back down, it can wait.

“So, can I have a house tour?” Otto says, looking up to Awsten. Holy shit. Either He’s wearing contacts or he just cried, but his eyes are so beautiful. They’re the perfect mix of colors, not too much of either, and it softens the reality of the world. All there is is Awsten and his warm hands, and his comfortable hugs, and _him_. I mean-

“Yeah, of course. Uhhh, where should we start.” Awsten says, oblivious to his staring. Or not. “Okay, this is the living room or where I deteriorate. Over here-” He pulls Otto over to an empty part of the large, sparsely decorated room. “This is where I’m gonna set up recording stuff.”

He walks over into a kitchen area. “This is the bathroom, where I shower and pee, and all that good stuff and this,” He walks over to the bathroom “This is the kitchen, where I microwave Thai food. I am a chef, don’t laugh, it’s not funny.” He says each of the words as if they are their own sentence.

“So that’s it, I guess.” He says with a sigh. Why is he so pretty? It’s not fair. He’s also a dumbass.

“What about your bedroom?” Otto says, with a smirk, squeezing Awsten’s hand.

“Oh shit, right.” He leads him to his bedroom, and when they walk in, Awsten turns off the lights.

“Awsten why-” Otto tries to say but Awsten shushes him. Slowly, small green stars are illuminated and they cover all of the ceiling. It was so simple, yet Otto felt his eyes watering up. It felt like Awsten had put each and every one of those with the hope that they would make someone happy, and provide them comfort, and they did.

“So do you wanna watch a movie?” Aswten says turning the light on, as if nothing happened. Their hands are unclasped now, and Awsten is looking for a way to get back into contact with him.

“Yeah sure, what do you wanna see?”

“Your abs, I mean,-” Otto laughed, and That Feeling ran through him again. Awsten was clearly flustered by this. “I don’t know, we could just look around on Hulu until we find something cool.”

“Cool.” Otto says, trying to relax the tension that had built up between them.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Awsten asks, trying to relax it as well. They aren’t very good at this.

“I’m good, thanks.”

\---

Six hours, three movies, four breakdowns, and one jug of orange juice later, Otto found Awsten’s head tucked into the crook of his arm, his arm around his torso, and the rest of him sprawled out on the bed. There was quiet christmas music coming from the TV, and the stars were still glowing from above them. Everything felt so warm, so intimate, so _right_. He could stay here forever, and everything would stay like this, this beautiful.

Awsten was asleep now, off in his personal colorful wonderland of dreams. _It must be so nice in there,_ though Otto. _So quiet, so still._ He moved his head to get a better view of Awsten’s face, but not so that he would wake him up. Awsten moved, startling Otto, but it was just him moving his head onto Otto's stomach.

Otto watched Awsten’s brown hair rise and fall with each breath that he took in and out. Everything just fit. The white light coming from the TV and the green light from the stars on the ceiling, the soothing sound of the air ventilator from the next room over, these were dull things that took a new life of affection and meaning.

While Otto is busy lovingly staring at Awsten’s face, noticing and appreciating every feature that was lucky to be where it was, Awsten was busy trying to pretend to be asleep. He could feel Otto staring at him, but it felt comforting in a way he hadn’t felt in almost three years now. A sting of tears came to his eyes, but he couldn’t let it out, because he was asleep.

He just wanted so bad, to have Otto hold him the whole night through. He just wanted that kind of love and care given back to him, it doesn’t matter how, he just wanted to be needed.

Otto starts stirring, and Awsten moves off of him. Neither of them say a word, but Otto takes off his pants, (Awsten’s were already off), and pulls the covers over himself. Awsten follows suit, and. He isn’t surprised until a warm arm is around his waist pulling him into Otto. He forgets to breathe. Only again does he find his breath when a warm calloused hand clasps his, and pulls them closer.

Maybe dreams really do come true.

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got Very Soft writing the last little bit, anyways. if you like it, please comment on it, it means a lot to me. thank you and fave a fabulous rest of your day!


	3. tired of being alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idiots in love, again

Awsten wakes up before Otto, and they’re still in the same position they were last night. Or was it this morning? It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Otto was here, before he could…

He gets out of bed, trying to be as quiet as possible, putting on his pants, a different shirt, and looking over to a disappointing 11 am.  _ What time did we even go to bed? _

But nothing seems to disturb him, because here all that matters is that Otto is with him. That’s all that matters now, all that will matter later, because he just makes everything better. So even seeing the fact that he slept through half the day, he’d do it again if it meant more time that close to Otto. 

He quietly slinked over to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. Last night felt different, for some reason that he couldn’t quite place. Maybe it’s because of the excitement from recording more music again together, or maybe it's because they haven't talked to each other in so long. Maybe it’s simply the fact that they’re both tired of being alone. It’s been almost four years since he last felt something like this, and he doesn’t want to let this go. 

Otto is still asleep when he gets back into his room, and in a split second walks over and jumps on him. A laugh bursts out of Otto, then he tries to kick him.

“Good morning!” Awsten shorts at Otto, elongating the “o’s.” Awsten looks down at his sleepy friend, and tries to find any hate in his face. He can’t find it. 

“Get up” He says, demanding, but loving. 

Something turns inside Awsten. He stopped breathing for a second, and Otto grabbed him and turned him over. His hands were on his shoulders, being pressed into the sheets. But his heart kept pumping up and down and up and down in his chest, and a smirk came to Otto’s face. 

He didn’t know what he was doing, he’s never had this much control over someone before, and he didn’t know what to do with it, so he just smirked.  _ Pretend like you know what you’re doing, give him the illusion he’s under your control.  _

“So do you have a coffee machine?” Otto asks, removing his weight from Awsten. They sit up on the bed, legs intertwined. Their breaths slow down, and Awsten just nods. Neither of them move. 

_ We could stay like this, this comfortable forever. We could forget time is a thing, and continue to live like this, with love flowing back and forth forever.  _ He thinks _. Well not love, it's not like I'm in love with him.  _

“Let’s get some coffee.” 

\---

“It feels like forever since I’ve seen you last.” Otto says, sipping his now cooled coffee. Awsten is on his second shot of espresso already. 

“Yeah, how have you been?” Awsten says, downing it in one sip.

“Honestly, not too well.”  _ Should I tell him?  _ He thinks,  _ I mean, it wouldn't hurt for him to know you’re single.  _ “I just broke up with my girlfriend, and it seems like nothing is working for me anymore. Fuck,” he sighs, “I can’t even tie my shoes half the time. You can laugh, it’s fine.”

“Dude I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts.” Awsten says, “If there’s anything I can do to help..” 

“Just stay here with me” Otto says. Their eyes lock, brown on blue and green, and time stops. They’re both so tired of being alone, and this makes everything just a small bit better, because it's just here and now. Yesterday doesn’t matter, and tomorrow won’t either. As long as they’re together everything will be fine. 

Awsten is first to look away. Heat rushes to both of their faces, not wanting to face anything they might be feeling. 

“Yeah..” Awsten trails, sighing, staring at his feet. 

“Yeah..” Otto repeats, taking another sip of his coffee. 

The tension is getting hard to deal with, so they awkwardly stand up at the same time, Otto shuffles away from the counter after Awsten says he can do the dishes, and they’re both back in their own world, and so fucking confused. 

\---

“So we’re meeting tomorrow?” Geoff (or the guitar emoji) says from Awsten’s phone. 

“Yeah” The two boys say at the same time. They’re going to meet tomorrow to start recording the album, but most ideas for it are already done. 

“Alright cool. I’m gonna fly out there tomorrow. I’ll let you know when I get there.” Geoff says, clearly busy with something else. 

“Alright.” Awsten says. “See ya’” He hangs up, and grabs Otto’s hand. Neither of them move. Both of their hands are a little damp from the LA heat, or maybe it's something else. They’re both paranoid that the other will notice and think they’re weird, but they still don’t shift from their position. Panic floods through both of them, and Awsten’s ears get hot.  _ What is going on? _

“Can I braid your hair?” Awsten asks, shyly. He feels like a little school boy who’s asking his crush if they want to sit next to each other on the school bus. “I’ve been learning how to, and you have a good length of hair to do it with.”

Now Otto is the one with the flushed face and the pounding heart. Or is it both of them?

“Of course.”

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like this please please please comment or share it it means so much to me okay i love you all byeee


	4. easier to fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooOOOooOoOOoooOoooOOo

Drifting somewhere, white clouds flow past you and you emerge through one into a vast area of the same, calming blue abyss. Up here nothing can hurt you. You are safe here, and will be forever. You can lie down any time you want, you can sleep, you can play, you can swim, you can simply exist without having any limits here. 

But then something feels off. You can’t see it, but you know that right over the cloud you just came from there was something. You don’t know what it is, but it sure as hell knows what you are and how to get you. Claws emerge from the other side of the cloud and you hear a deep noise that penetrates something. They are reaching, grabbing for you, and you fall off of something that was holding you up. You’re falling down, down, do-

“Otto!” Awsten is shaking an already violently shaking Otto. 

“Dude are you okay?” Awsten says, his arms still on Otto’s shoulders. 

“Sorry” Otto says in a small voice, brushing his hand off. Hair ties are scattered on the ground, and a brush is in his lap. 

“Don’t be, I think you just fell asleep and had another round of sleep paralysis.” Otto sighs. “Don’t worry, you're safe now.”

And Otto believes that with all the conviction in his body, that he is safe here. There is nowhere in the world where he is more safe. 

“Well I finished one side because you started falling asleep.” Awsten says getting out his phone, taking a photo of Otto’s hair, showing it to him. “It’s so cute.” 

“Yeah, it is.” Otto says through a smile. It looks terrible and he loves it so much. “Oh.” He left all his stuff at his ex’s house. 

“You mean it’s bad?” Awsten asks, chuckling. 

“No, I just left all my stuff at her house and I don’t wanna go back there.” The room is filled with unease. A record in the corner of the room stopped playing, and he hadn’t noticed it was on. 

“Is there anything important there?” 

“Well, not really, but I have a lot of clothes I want to wear again there. Most of my important stuff is in my car.”

“Dude don’t keep your stuff in your car, people will break in for a piece of gum.” Awsten says trying to lighten the mood. “Do you want to go now or later?”

“I’ll just get it over with now.”

“I’ll go with you.” Awsten says, and they silently leave. 

\---

They pull up, well Awsten pulls up to the address Otto knew too well. He didn’t want Otto driving because he was shaking like his skeleton wanted out. Her house looks the same during the day than the night, but her lights are off, even though she never turned them off. The energy still felt the same. 

“You called her, right?” Awsten asks. “She probably won’t let you in without being warned, or things could get kinda messy-” 

“I know.” Otto cuts him off. “Thank you for coming. It means a lot.”

“Of course, dude! I’d do anything for you in a heartbeat.” Awsten says, with a smile, and Otto can only help but smile back. Even if things are broken right now, it’s easier to fix when he smiles. 

“Thank you.” He says with a sigh. He opens the passenger door, almost falls over when he steps out due to a head rush, and walks over to her house. The doorbell echos through the house, as it has every time before. Normally you’d hear frantic footsteps over to open the three locks on the door, a small squeal when they see each other, and it all ended in a hug. 

But this time is different. Of course it is. 

You don’t hear the footsteps leading to the front door, but you can sense that someone is there. A sigh instead of a squeal, and a forced “What do you want?” instead of a welcoming hug. 

“My clothes.” he says, trying to make conversation as short as possible. He doesn’t want to be here for longer than he has to, he doesn’t want to relapse into the comfortable relationship they had. 

“Go get them, they haven’t moved.” She has walked away from the door, leaving Otto feeling awkward at the fact that he even bothered to come. 

He quickly navigates through the too-familiar house, shoving clothes into the backpack he left, that had his toothbrush and other hygienic things. 

They meet at the door again, tension filling the space to the brim. 

“I see you’ve already moved on to someone else.” she says, nodding towards Awsten in his car. 

“Huh?” Otto asks, not following. 

“The boy. I never figured you’d be one to move on so fast.” She says. 

Otto’s face is flushed deeper than her red lipstick, but not skin deep. 

“So what if I did?” He says, playing it off. “Why do you care?”

“Just get out.” She says. 

\---

“How’d it go?” Awsten says, breaking the silence in this worn in car. 

“She thought we were dating.” Otto says with a laugh. The car slightly swerves to the right, as Awsten’s face gets hot.

“Really?” he says. “I wonder why.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t bother to correct her though.” Otto says, pushing the thought of asking him to date down back where it came from. I mean, he was straight, right?

“Nice” Awsten says. He’s obviously thinking about it too. It’s not a hard thing to imagine, given their relationship and the way they act around each other, it’s not a far fetched concept. “If only it were true.” he says with a sigh. 

“If only.”

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it isn't a far fetched concept amiright?? okay. if you like it please please please comment/give kudos/share it with someone you know. okay i love you guys byeeee


	5. either way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)

The car smells of burritos and autumn LA air. They stopped at Chipotle to get a breakfast (or lunch? food), and are heading home to enjoy them while pulling together some final pieces for the album that they’ve thought of. 

When they are back in the room, Awsten notices that Geoff has called him, alerting him about traveling, and calls him back. 

“I’ve just landed and will be there in about an hour.” Geoff says with obvious airport noises in the background. A kid screams, and Otto chuckles. 

“See you soon.” Awsten says.

“Yeah, bye.” Geoff says and hangs up. Awsten runs over to his living room and jumps onto his couch, and Otto walks after him, laying on top. 

“I don't want to make it like Fandom again, but there better be some cool ass transitions.” He says, turning so he was laying with his back on Awsten’s chest. 

“Dude, always.” Awsten says. They lay there together, just enjoying each others company. 

The doorbell rings, and Otto gets off of Awsten and walks over to the door, letting in a tired looking Geoff. 

“You need to check your phone, dude.” He says, taking off his backpack, and leting out a sigh. He noticed the energy shift from when he got in, but decided not to say anything. “How are you guys?”

Awsten looks at Otto, but he doesnt look back. “We’ve been alright, all things considered.” Otto says.

“Did she…” Geoff asks, looking at Ottos pile of things against the wall.

“No, I did.” Otto says, knowing what he means.

“Oh, I’m sorry, man.” The energy of the room is growing increasingly suffocating, so Awsten tries to break it, by offering Geoff something to drink. 

\---

Geoff had left for a hotel room he booked for the next three weeks, so Awsten and Otto were left alone again. 

“Hey I’m going to go buy some groceries, do you have anything you need or want?” Awsten says. “Or, do you want to come?”

Otto wanted to go, but he knew he had to stay. He had some things he needed to do in private. “It’s okay. I’ll stay here.” 

“You sure you’ll be alright on your own?” Awsten asks, hypocritical, as Otto should be asking Awsten that question. 

“Of course.” Otto says, then adds a toothless smile. It’s convincing enough, so Awsten gets his things, and leaves. 

Sighing, Otto walks over to his bag and gets out his phone. He’s at a point where he’s going to have to do something he really doesn’t want to, and is going to try to do anything he can to get out of it. 

Dialing a number he had messily written on his arm, he kept looking at the door, ready to hang up if Awsten walked back in. It picks up, but no one addresses Otto. 

“Good evening.” Otto says, masking his emotions. 

“What did you call for?” A deep voice says from the other line. “Is it about the boy I asked you to bring?”

“Yes it is.” He throws another look at the door before continuing. “I don’t think you’re registering how important he is to me. I can’t bring him-”

“You can’t do what? You can’t kill him and bring me his body? Or you don’t want.”

“Of course I don’t want to!” Otto shouts, looking back at the door again. He tries again. “I won’t kill him.”

The voice on the other line sighs. “You do realize that you signed a contract that states any fail to complete a task will result in the removal of the tasked?”

“Yes, but-”

“So you realize that he will be taken in either way.” 

Otto pauses for a moment, trying to collect himself. “Yes, sir.”

“Let’s go over your assignment one more time. Our coven needs a life support, and you are our best hunter.” Otto shakes his head when he says that.” The life support we need this time is an artist’s energy, specifically one with one of The Beams inside. Your “Awsten” has A Beam inside of him, and you will kill him. You will bring him back to us before the month is up. Or we’ll have to take you, another artist with a slightly weaker Beam, and then get Awsten, and keep him until we need him again. Are we clear?

“Isn’t there anyone else we could take?” Otto says, knowing that they will say no, it has to be Awsten. 

“No, not in our area. None of us are strong enough to signal another, and he’s already drawn to you. I don’t want you to call me until you have his body, okay?”

Otto pauses. “Okay.” Everything came crashing onto him. All of his life came back to him. He always knew there was going to be a time when they needed an artistic flow of energy, and he shouldn’t even be attached to Awsten because he’s known Everyone in the coven for so long, that the time he’s known Awsten for was trivial. Yet, there was something inside Awsten that had attracted Otto. Maybe it was just the other artistic energy being balanced between them, but it felt like something else. But he still had to force himself to say goodbye. 

“I’m home!” Awsten says, walking back into their apartment and setting down the grocries. There was that attraction inside of Otto leading to Awsten, and he let it pull himself right into Awsten. Otto pushed Awsten against the wall of his apartment, and started violently kissing Awsten. Awsten leaned into him, and kissed him back. 

“Otto,” Awsten got out before Otto bit his neck in response. Awsten put his hands against Ottos chest as Otto placed more kisses on Awsten’s neck. Otto’s hands found their way to the small of Awsten’s back, and his mouth back to Awsten’s. 

“Otto.” Awsten pushed Otto off him. “Can we cuddle instead?” 

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me finally updating this haha. anyways be nice and leave a comment


	6. .

will i ever update this? maybe. only time will tell


End file.
